21 lessons…​

I turned 21 on Sunday.

And thanks to the amazing people I have as family and friends, I had a real good time. I did something I’d always wanted to do, go for outreach. We went to a home for the physically and mentally challenged and personally, it was an amazing experience; seeing people whose worries weren’t the next paycheck or what school to choose for masters or even what selfie to post on IG but how to take the next walking step without falling to the floor.

I cried that night – after realizing how much I take for granted the little things I have and can do effortlessly.

Here is a list of 21 things I’ve learned personally during my short stay on earth;

  1. Life is not Fair. To anyone.
  2. Hardly does anything last forever. Enjoy it while you can (I know this too well but I never actually do)
  3. People are generally nice. The world has just taught them it’s safer not to be.
  4. Nothing can replace self-confidence.
  5. Actual love at first sight is a fable. Find a palm tree and argue with it.
  6. Nothing you do or do not do can make God love you more or less. That’s what Unconditional means.
  7. When you grow older, you’ll realize your parents were almost always right.
  8. Discretion deserves more credit than people give it.
  9. Love, when done right (with the brain and heart) can actually be enough.
  10. You never know your true capabilities until you’re in the actual situation. Talk really is cheap.
  11. There’s peace and blessing in minding your business.
  12. If you’re entering public transport in Lagos, carry scarf or a jacket – except you like body fluids touching your arms, DON’T wear white, carry earplugs – if you’re a fine girl.
  13. Seek advise. A lot of people know more than you.
  14. Accept yourself. Don’t apologize for who you are but still, seek to be better.
  15. Rid yourself of people who drain your joy. This doesn’t make them bad humans. You’re just not compatible.
  16. Someone somewhere at some point is watching you.
  17. Except you’ve been in the exact same situation, at the exact same time, with the exact same people and exact same conditions, You have no right to judge anyone.
  18. Fear often times leads to hate.
  19. Not all sad songs are actually sad.
  20. Life is not a competition. Everyone can actually win.
  21. It’s not a bad thing to eat noodles five times a week.
  22. Spending quality time with yourself alone (or with food) can be really fulfilling.

Do i really need to stop? 😦

 

 

With Love, To self

“I’d go anywhere with you looking like this” – Him.Hair-in-Front-of-Face

And i was looking like a hot mess.

Hair wasn’t made.

Make up wasn’t on.

Post acne scars and a few whitish bumps adorned my face.

I wasn’t looking great at all.

But still, he said that. And i didn’t question him. I believed him. Because i myself, would go anywhere looking like that.

There really is nothing better than creating your own personal perception of beauty. I’ve gotten to that stage, after a few years of battling with self image/esteem, it feels great to finally look myself in the mirror, scars and all and still genuinely feel beautiful.

You see, i’ve had the worst experience with acne, at a point i thought, “this has to be a spiritual matter”, there was barely any plain patch on my face. My dad bought all kinds of blood purifiers, drugs, cleansers and all, it was that bad. I constantly lived with the fear of going out, because, you know, Nigerians never mind their business, every Tom Dickand Harry had a solution for my facial predicament. One random guy even wanted me to hop in his car so he’d take me to one dermatologist and pay for treatments so i could be better. – I mean, for God’s sake! Is it cancer?

Getting into the university was just plain nightmare. I tried so hard to fail jamb (but you know, when you’re smart you’re smart. LOL) because i thought it was too early to go to university, i wasn’t ready in so many ways most of which was emotionally and physically. When i eventually did, i tried as much as possible to stay away from people, everyone looked better than me – cause i was constantly doing the comparison in my head. I didn’t feel good about myself, i didn’t know how to.

Final year, my face started clearing up and i began to love myself, well not my self, just my looks actually. And that’s not a fantastic place to be, i mean, i know girls who wouldn’t step outta their house without make up and then there’s the problem of bleaching, some, with funbact A! I’m not here to rant, i’ve been there, feeling like life would be a lot more enjoyable if you had clearer face, smaller nose, lighter skin or as in my case (according to my brother), smaller head but really you shouldn’t define yourself or others solely on the basis of what they look like, that’s just a container, it’s the content that really matters, isn’t that what they say? Because you wouldn’t always look like you do now, you’d age! So what happens then?!

Take care of your body, your looks, actually put effort into looking good, do whatever makes you feel beautiful, it’s quite important but more importantly, Love your Self. Accept your Body. Guard your Spirit. Nurture your Soul.

If you don’t, chances are, no one else will.

xo.

Mini Us.

Heyy Baby.

You are loved.  More than you’d ever know.
If for some reason you ever doubt this, remember that You are a product of love, literally. 
I can’t promise that your life would always be easy and full of beautiful people and experiences. and that you’d have friends that would never leave you, i can’t promise that you’d always have things figured out and i can’t promise to always understand your struggles and pain and that each of your dream would come true. But i can promise that i would always be there for you when you feel overwhelmed by lifes struggles, I’d always be there to listen when you meet someone new and comfort you when they leave. I’d be there to hold you as you weep cos you’ve gotten your heart broken again. I’d help pick out what to wear if you turn out to be as indecisive as i am. I’d learn your favorite song and dance with you whenever you’ve had too much sugar. I’d stay up to watch endless series with you and listen to you rant about cute boys or the newest pretty girl in your class. Sigh. I’m in love with you, child – i can’t help myself. I’d be your companion.
I’d hug you tight on days when you’re sad, please don’t push me away. 
I’d wipe each of your tears cos you’re too precious to cry.
And i’d take pictures of you every moment i get, ‘cos you’re a once in a lifetime kinda person.
I’d choose you, over me, over anyone.
I’d be a super mushy mom, please forgive me.
Most importantly i’d pray for you everyday and teach you about the extravagant love of Christ.
You’re loved, dear child, More than you’d ever know.

-Your Momma,
‘Wunmi something

-x-

Love, over a thousand years.

Things had changed.

People didn’t look for love anymore.

They were just not interested. Because that meant ageing. And no one wanted to die

————————

The air was refreshing.

Something about the graveyard made you appreciate everything about life, you know.

Even the crappy stuff. Like Love.

————————

Julia scraped dirt off her mother’s headstone. It’s been fifteen years she died, her dad fifteen years one day, lol. Even death couldn’t keep them apart.

She was 18 when her parents died.

Fifteen years later and she was still eighteen.

Because everyone thought the idea of finding your soulmate was absurd.

But the idea saddened her. What is the point of life if you never get to feel the magic of Love?

Everyone thought she was crazy, they would rather live a thousand years of bland mediocre emotions than feel love with depth deeper than the oceans, stronger than the indian Tsunami but for a limited number of years.

Nope, they’d rather live forever, Because loving meant dying, at some point, and death wasn’t something people liked to think about. Except people like her parents.

“Hey” She turned and she could swear she felt her soul age. “Haha, look who’s in a hurry to die”she chuckled to herself.

“Mum?” he had interesting blue eyes, Like he had lived through 10 decades.

“Both”

“I’m sorry” His tone was laced with sadness.

“Nah, they lived more than any dumb ass out there”

It was his time to chuckle. “I think everyone lying 6 feet did”

“why aren’t you?”

“’cause I’ve never been given the chance to choose”

They were sitting now, somewhere between Love and Death.

She could have chosen to walk away and live the rest of her life without ageing a day.

But that wouldn’t be living.

Sitting right here, beside her parents gravestone with the cute blue eyed boy, talking about life and love and choosing death, that was living.

She had never felt more alive.

Such irony.

Each time soulmates met, they transit into the mortal world.

Now death can touch them.

But first,

Love will ignite in them a burning furnace of fire.

That fire will be worth more than a thousand years.

 

A different kind of fear.

I cried today.

But it was a different kind of tears.

About 2 years ago, I cried, I cried a tsunami. In this same room, on this same bed and possibly in this same dress.

I cried because I was sacred. I still am. But it’s a different kind of fear now.

I was scared of what the future held. I had no plans for my life . Nothing at all. Zilch.  You could as well call me an NFA (no future ambition) I was about to graduate school and I had no idea how I wanted my life to go. And that was scary as hell.

But about 2 years later.

I’m here. Still the little fearful girl I’ve always been. But with a bigger faith than I’ve ever had. 

I have almost everything figured out. More than I thought I would. I’m blessed and I’m not even talking about the material things. Everything is working fine and I mean everything.

But. I’m scared.

Can I hold this all together? What if I mess things up? What if I’m never happy? And there’s an endless list of “what ifs”

So the question is why? Why aren’t we ever satisfied. I mean one would think I’d be a happy-go-lucky kid, considering how much I’ve been blessed.

But I have a theory: maybe we are never to reach that state where we are totally and perfectly satisfied. Content, yes, but not satisfied. Cause maybe when we become satisfied we stop trying to be better, stop hoping for more and eventually, stop chasing after God.

And that’s where the real tragedy happens. You stop living  and start to settle cause you think you have everything you need.

Fear, when put in the right context is not always a bad thing, (hold your stones ye bible scholars, let me finish fest!) I believe fear starts to become a problem when it begins to grow bigger than your faith, even the bible says overcome fear with Faith. If there were no fear, there would be nothing to use your faith for.

So it’s ok to fret a bit, don’t beat yourself up too much for feeling a little afraid of what the future holds, as far as you don’t get stuck in that little valley called fear, instead let faith steer you towards anchoring your life (along with your fears and uncertainties) on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. He’d never leave you hanging, trust me, I know.

So be content.

But not so much as satisfied.

Just a few hues.

Life is white
Death is black
Salvation is dark pink. Life, black and pain.
Hate is violet
Sin is blue. Deep blue. Almost black
Motherhood is green
Fatherhood is brown
Friendship is yellow, golden almost.
Crushes are peach.
Pain is red.
Beauty is nude.
Music is cream. Almost white.
Poetry, is beige, almost nude.

Love. I’m not sure what color love is.
But i’m guessing it’s rainbow.

Commute to work:The Reverie.

I notice everything. Even things that aren’t there.

That’s how i knew. I knew he was staring at me. Right from the time he stepped into the bus. I could tell and so could the little butterflies in my tummy.

I stole a quick glance at him while he was looking away.

First thoughts “Whoa! why so good looking?”

Quick glance turned into long creepy stare as i started to memorize his features. They were striking. Deliberate. Perfect.

He turned.

I looked away quickly.

But not fast enough.

He caught me  😩

“Hey” Voice!

“Hi” i replied barely audible, anxiously waiting for the part where we exchange numbers.

Your scarf is on the floor

Oh! Disappointment slapped me accross the face. “Thank you” i said, picked it up and looked anywhere but his side.

“work?”

“yup” i answered a little too quickly.

Cool. So where do you work? And that’s how our love story began.

First date was at an art exhibition. He shared my passion for Arts.

Second date was at a lonely beach somewhere in Lekki. He shared my love for serenity.

The next couple of months were incredible,  like scenes from a cheesy hollywood movie.

From surprise dinner dates at expensive restaurants to long walks on windy evenings, our love grew stronger with sweet love notes secretly tucked every other place, sudden forehead kisses and you sha get the drift,  yes?

life was good. I was truly happy. If I had to relive that day, i wouldn’t have missed that bus for anything in the world.

I smiled,  just then, i felt a hard jab.

“Aunty ya scarf don fall for ground”

What?! I snapped back to real life.

Mr hot guy had just alighted.

Wait!! Don’t go!!

My heart was shredding to pieces.

I felt betrayed.

He didn’t even get my number.

Wait had he even noticed me in that bus?I was all alone in the frustrating Island traffic. And no cute boy was staring at me.

Tough life man 😦