With Love, To self

“I’d go anywhere with you looking like this” – Him.

And i was looking like a hot mess.

Hair wasn’t made.

Make up wasn’t on.

Post acne scars and a few whitish bumps adorned my face.

I wasn’t looking great at all.

But still, he said that. And i didn’t question him. I believed him. Because i myself, would go anywhere looking like that.

There really is nothing better than creating your own personal perception of beauty. I’ve gotten to that stage, after a few years of battling with self image/esteem, it feels great to finally look myself in the mirror, scars and all and still genuinely feel beautiful.

You see, i’ve had the worst experience with acne, at a point i thought, “this has to be a spiritual matter”, there was barely any plain patch on my face. My dad bought all kinds of blood purifiers, drugs, cleansers and all, it was that bad. I constantly lived with the fear of going out, because, you know, Nigerians never mind their business, every Tom Dickand Harry had a solution for my facial predicament. One random guy even wanted me to hop in his car so he’d take me to one dermatologist and pay for treatments so i could be better. – I mean, for God’s sake! Is it cancer?

Getting into the university was just plain nightmare. I tried so hard to fail jamb (but you know, when you’re smart you’re smart. LOL) because i thought it was too early to go to university, i wasn’t ready in so many ways most of which was emotionally and physically. When i eventually did, i tried as much as possible to stay away from people, everyone looked better than me – cause i was constantly doing the comparison in my head. I didn’t feel good about myself, i didn’t know how to.

Final year, my face started clearing up and i began to love myself, well not my self, just my looks actually. And that’s not a fantastic place to be, i mean, i know girls who wouldn’t step outta their house without make up and then there’s the problem of bleaching, some, with funbact A! I’m not here to rant, i’ve been there, feeling like life would be a lot more enjoyable if you had clearer face, smaller nose, lighter skin or as in my case (according to my brother), smaller head but really you shouldn’t define yourself or others solely on the basis of what they look like, that’s just a container, it’s the content that really matters, isn’t that what they say? Because you wouldn’t always look like you do now, you’d age! So what happens then?!

Take care of your body, your looks, actually put effort into looking good, do whatever makes you feel beautiful, it’s quite important but more importantly, Love your Self. Accept your Body. Guard your Spirit. Nurture your Soul.

If you don’t, chances are, no one else will.

xo.